Not by Accident

About 6 weeks ago I reached a point where it became tempting to just throw the dinner food into a couple bowls and allow the kiddos to eat it from the floor or whatever surface they chose. The Deuces were devilish and the Biggers were bonkers. So after pondering it for about a week we came up with some solutions that have helped to restore some order to the family dinner hour.

Solution 1:
Boyzies need to be fed prior to everyone else. It take an adult's full attention to help them eat and keep them trapped at their table. The reality is that we cannot have a dinner time that includes sharing about our days and being civilized when the adults are constantly on the verge of loosing it because the boyzies are doing ... a million bad things...that we won't elaborate on further.

Solutions 2:
The manners game!!

It works like this:

• We will play this game only at dinnertime. Everyone will play. Kids can catch parents too.
• Each person gets 3 clothespins to stick on the back of his/her chair.
• If you catch someone breaking a rule that we have learned you can take one of their pins.
• If you loose all your pins and you are caught breaking a rule you give up your chair.
• You can get your chair back at the next meal, or by catching someone else breaking a rule.
• Although we will not take pins during breakfast and lunch...these are still good times to practice good manners. (We amended this rule to say: if someone catches someone breaking a rule at breakfast or lunch simply say "Good catch, you could have gotten a pin at dinner."...instead of hollering, "Just eat, we aren't playing right now.")
• When you see someone forgetting a manner say "___(name)___ , please may I have a your pin." If they do not know what they did they can ask you to tell them.
• Guests are not part of the game.
• Only 1 person can catch an infraction.
• Do not touch or change the pins at any time unless an infraction has occurred.
• (We added part way through the game that on Sundays when a new rule is added to the game the pins can be reset at a parent's discretion. Sometimes we also have to reset when the devilish deuces mess them up.)
• New rules are added each Sunday, unless a parent feels that a week of practice (usually due to insane schedules is necessary). Old rules continue to be part of the game--forcing us to practice them until they come naturally.

Rules so far:

1. Stay in your seat. Excuse yourself if you get up from the table. If finished say, "May I be excused." If you are getting up for another reason say, "Excuse me I need to _____." If you are finished clear your place and say "Thank you for dinner!" If you are getting up for another reason do what you said you are going to do and return to your seat.
2. Keep your hands and feet under control. Feet - not on the table. Hands and feet not on other people. Hands not flailing about. Keep 4 chair feet on the floor.
3. Put a napkin in your lap to use if your fingers get dirty. Do this after praying but prior to eating your first bite. If you excuse yourself put the napkin next to your plate.
4. Don't be disgusting!!! If you need to blow your nose, excuse yourself to the bathroom or living room. NEVER pick your nose. Refrain from burping -- swallow your burbs. Try to never flatulate at the table (this one always produces giggles). Chew with your mouth closed. Don't blow bubbles in your beverage.
5. Try each food on your plate. If you have a good thing to say about it, tell the cook that you like it. Don't declare that you don't like it till you have eaten your required number of bites This shows appreciation for the hard work the cook has done. Don't say "This is gross etc." Simply say, "I don't care for ______." Or "I think I prefer ________."

Next week we are going to add a rule that insists on eating your meal in a timely fashion...so far the game has reformed dinner hour (even the parents). I'm anxious to see its effect on the area that is most challenging for the 4 year old among us.

The reward--beside the general improvement of manners--we have told the CB and SG that after we have mastered (as in appropriately using manners during times when pins are not up for grabs) 10 manners...we are going to Red Lobster (sans boyzies) for seafood. They are anxious to eat shrimp and try crab legs--which we are hoping will be on sale ;o).